Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Accountability and Extremes

I have had something weighing on me for a while. Well actually it has been weighing on my butt for about a year now! It is the extra 20 pounds that I never lost after having a baby. I don't really have an excuse, other than I eat crap...and too much of it! So here I am world, acknowledging and becoming accountable for the poor food choices and lack of exercise that have plagued me for a while!

Weight has been something that I have struggled with for years. Sometimes I control it, other times it controls me. This post is about to get a little heavy (no pun intended), so if you would like to leave now...no hard feelings!

In my late teens and early twenties, I learned how to lose weight. I could drop 10 pounds like it was nothing. Before I knew it, a huge chunk of my self worth was wrapped up in my appearance. The fact that so much of my job depended on my weight didn't help. Think orange shorts and chicken wings (that is another story for another day). I worked my butt off (literally) to stay a perfect size 5. I counted calories, ran, spun, lifted weights, did aerobics and drank enough protein shakes to last the rest of my life. All while going to school and working. I had control of my life in every aspect and I loved it!

For those of you who diet, you know, there comes a time when the pounds stop coming off. Well, I am a girl who needs results and I like to get them quick! So one day I thought to myself, if I work out the same amount of time, but just drink half the protein shake, I should see results. And I did! Before I knew it my size 5, 145 pound frame had shrunk to just under 100 pounds and every minute of my life was consumed by "control". What I thought was the self control to limit yourself to 2 tablespoons of oatmeal, half an apple, a cup of broccoli and a can of tuna per day, was actually my life spinning completely out of control. While my gaunt figure was shocking to my friends and family, I took pride in the fact that I couldn't find clothes small enough to fit me and my thighs didn't touch. I am embarrassed to admit that these were the things that consumed my every day, but they did!

A human can not exist like that forever. So you have two choices, you either die or your make a conscious decision to get yourself better. Obviously, you know which one I chose."Fixing" yourself when you get to that point might seem easy. Most people would say, just eat something. Well that is pretty much what you do, you eat. But not cheeseburgers and fries. Even the most healthy low fat meals add weight to a body that has been starved. Let me tell you, it hurts pretty bad to gain weight when your entire world has been wrapped around keeping it off for so long.

So you might wonder, how did I end up here, 20 pounds overweight and incredibly self conscious about it. I don't have an excuse. All I can say is I am tired of looking bad in clothes, worrying that everyone is staring at my midsection and being terrified that this extra weight will affect the quality of life I have!

I understand food, I understand calories and I understand exercise. So here I am, basically confessing to all of you in the world of the Internet, that it is time that I make some serious changes! I must become accountable for what goes in my mouth, and instead of sitting on the couch watching crap, I need to start exercising! I promise not to let this become extreme, like I have in the past!

I hope that this blog will help me stay on track with my goals. I am looking forward to sharing this struggle and hopefully some success! Be on the look out for some great healthy recipes! Some of my favorites have tons of flavor and are super easy to make!

Maybe, just maybe, I will one day be able to squeeze back into the orange shorts..................I am TOTALLY KIDDING about the shorts....just wanted to get your attention!

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