What I have learned from showing and raising livestock

I have been around animals (big ones) my entire life. Most of my friends have not. Sometimes they ask me questions about what it is like to raise animals and show them. So here ya go....in no particular order, just a few of the things I have learned in the livestock business:

• just because she cost alot of money, doesn't mean she will win
• when you see a cow chewing her cud peacefully in a pasture...she is basically chewing on her own puke
• when you work cows with your spouse, and he yells, "you dumb B#@%&" he is talking to the cows...not you
• never be standing behind a cow in the spring when she coughs
• You don't need a bull to make baby calves, all you need is a steel rod, a "unit" of the appropriate suitor, a bottle of wine and a pack of cigarettes (ok scratch the smokes and booze but it sure would make it nicer for the cow)
• if you have ever wondered why mother cows are so protective of their babies....have one of your own and you will totally get  it
• my husband can go shoulder deep in a cow's lady parts, but can't handle the sight of toddler puke
• if the judge didn't see it, it never happened
• most problems can be solved on the long walk to tie outs
• horses are like 1200 pound toddlers that can kick your face in
• a cattle show could be defined as a beauty contest for hairy fat girls!
• go to the bathroom before you put your chaps on!
• beer at 7 am at a horse show is a completely acceptable beverage
• shows are won on the amount of effort put in at home